Back on Trakk

(Crashdïet, Rest In Sleaze)

Hi!
Maybe I should start writing here again, not that anyone will read it but I think I've missed it... It's nice to have somewhere to turn and just scribble down your thoughts sometimes. And I can tell that I failed miserably in telling Him about my feelings (wich have FADED at last, and it was about time) for Him, but it wasn't really my fault 'cause He wouldn't let me see Him and I was determined to say it face to face... Not so sure of that anymore though, maybe I should just tell Him over the internet.
Or he'll just happen to figure it out, without me having to tell him.

Anyway I met a new guy that I really like and it might not even be impossible for us to get together (wich is a BIG improvement)! Well well, time will show.

I'll be back!

Diary...

Numer bloggar jag enbart på det gamla traditionella sättet i en anteckningsbok. Det kändes säkrast, men vet aldrig vem som kan hitta ens publika blogg på internet. Min bok är det lättare att ha koll på.

Mitt liv blev helt enkelt för privat helt plötsligt...

Hello

(Evanescence, Fallen)

There's so much I could write here, but it's stuff that I don't want to reach everybody so it wouldn't be clever to publish it on the internet...

I promise to come back later and explain at least some of it.

Angels With Dirty Faces

(Sum 41, Chuck)

På vägen hem vill jag en obehaglig känsla i magtrakten.
Jag gick och repeterade i huvudet "Någonting kommer hända", och jag började nästan hyperventilera trots att jag försökte lugna ned mig själv.
Först gick jag förbi Sonjas mamma Malin, som hälsade men pratade i mobil.
Det hjälpte inte, den obehagliga känslan fanns kvar, så ska jag snedda genom parken och ser två människor där varav mannen ser ut som någon form av alkis och inte har några tänder.
Till saken hör att de har varsin jättestor hund, och när jag går förbi dem börjar hundarna följa efter mig. Jag blir jätterädd, sen hör jag att mannen börjar säga något och antar att han ska ropa tillbaka hundarna. Men jag inser att han pratar med mig! Han sa "Vad är det för halsduk du har då?", som alltid hade jag på mig min Leksandshalsduk. Så jag svarar så entonigt som möjligt utan att bli otrevlig "Leksand" och hoppas att han inte är Djurgårdare eller Morait eller något annat läskigt. Till min förvåning svarar han relativt trevligt "Jaha, så du är från Dalarna?" och efter ett snabbt överslag bestämmer jag mig för att svara ärligt och säger "Nä, men jag har släkt där" varpå mannen svarar "Jaha du, det har jag också, från Rättvik!" "Trevligt!" säger jag. Sen önskar han mig Glad påsk och efter att ha svarat "Det samma" går jag vidare.

Jag kan inte påstå att han var jättetrevlig, han verkade hela tiden full men han var formodligen ganska harmlös och önskade mig en glad påsk och allt.

Till råga på allt försvann den obehagliga känslan efter detta, och inget har verkar konstigt eller fel än så länge. Jag måste sluta döma folk.

Stabbing The Drama

I'm getting brave! I've asked Him now, I didn't really get the answers I wanted but it's a big step forward. If I keep on asking with different formulations He'll have to answer one day. And I won't miss any chances now, becuase, as former written, I've got to do this to be able to move on and let go.

he with the little h is lurking behind the corner...

Breakin' The Chainz

The cold is fading and I'm feeling better.

I will finally take control over my life now, that I promise myself.
It includes talking to Him with the big H, him with the little h and start taking better care of my friends - all of them. I've got to get a life, now, or I'll fucking go mad.

I've also promised myself to tell Him (with the big H) before I tell anyone else.
No matter what it takes, I will keep that promise. If he makes it possible, wich he probably would if I just asked him. And once I've told him, I can move on and the him with the little h might get a big H.

On that day my life will be perfect.
>>Maybe just a little too good<<

Spring makes me happy and it is certainly spring now, you can almost walk out whithout a jacket and the sun is shining constantly. I choose to see it as a sign, as if I've got the Sun on my side. It will be a great help for me, because what's laying ahead of me isn't easy. But I will make it.

Come Clarity

All the titles in my blog is songnames, for your knowledge. Not the first two onesw, but after that I will make it a habit. And what is written between ">>" and "<<" is exclusively
quotations, but they might have been adjusted to better fit my life.

If you wonder anything about a title or a quotation you might give me a hint about it and I'll do my best to help you.


>>Why did he put me through such torture
I would have given my life for him<<

Cold

Yes, I've caught one, again. It's very annoying and it feels like my brain is filled with some heavy liquid or something.

>>Keep holding on as my brain's tinkin' like a bomb<<

Maybe I don't go to school tomorrow, then I would get more time to study physics, we've got an examination next wednesday and I don't understand annything so I'm a bit nervous.
But it's hard to study when your brain is filled with this liquid... Even harder beeing in school. Damn dilemma...

Distance

So she's gone and I'm sitting here, all alone.
You'd think that would make me sad, but even though I'm alone
I'm not lonely.
There's a very big difference. I'd say that "alone" it physical and "lonely" is psycological.

But I miss here, and she left today. What will I do tomorrow? And the day after that? Or next tuesday? I think I'm gonna find out when she returns, so that I can meet her up somewhere... I might have to go to Flemingsberg, but it's worth it 'cause I'd do anything for her^^

>>I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad
She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings<<

This Is How It Goes...

Jag kommer aldrig förlora mig värdighet på det sättet. Jag kommer aldrig vara en av de som pekar Fuck You åt motståndarna när de gör mål, aldrig vara en av de som skriker jävla svin till utvisade spelare. Det är skamligt, lågt. Pinsamt.

Jag är leksing tills jag dör, men jag blir en mindre och mindre stolt en.
Både laget och klacken uppför sig som dagisbarn.

Att sjunga "Bolibompa, bolibombompa, bolibompa" till motståndarklcaken är jättekul, absolut, men man kanske borde rannsaka sig själva först. Laget harsnart förlorat sin stämpel som Hockeykultur, och klacken håller på att göra det samma. Det är fruktansvärt sorgligt att se hur man tar till mer och mer drastiska metoder, så länge det finns humor i det kan det väl vara okej men det finns gränser. Och dessa har passerats när man börjar ropa åt den utvisade södertäljespelaren "Du är värdelös".

Jag kanske är snobbig, naiv, pretensiös eller vad ni vill. Men sådant hör inte hemma i hockeyarenorna.

Bevara Superstars sportsligt. Bevara det ärofyllt.

Prisoners of Today

The test went out really well, the questions were very very easy so I'm rather pleased. I think I finally understood something at the physics lesson and that's very nice too.

Well, the icehockey semifinals start in about two hours, but all the teams I like are allready beaten... So I don't know who to support, and then it's not fun at all... I can't even watch the games because it's transmitted on channels we haven't got.

I think that'll have to be all for now. See ya.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Today we only had one lesson in school, so from about half past ten we were free, that was really nice and we went for a coffee at Wurma. Actually, none of us had coffee but the buns were very tasty.

When we'd been at the café for almost three hours we felt like leeving but we didn't want to separate so we walked home to Johannas place and studied there. At least that's what we were supposed to do, but instead we danced. We played stuff like ABBA and it was funny even though I normally don't listen to pop.

When i finally got home it was around four o'clock and I turned on the television to watch Tribe, at Barnkanalen (like "The Childrens Channel") and found out that a computer is about to destroy a hole city and eliminate human kind from the earth! I look forward to tomorrows episode. Oh but... I wont be able to see it, OMG maybe if i run and watch it from the televisionshop across the street... You know - school ends at four tomorow. Too bad.

Er, talking about school we've got a test tomorrow too, it's about The Working Life or whatever you might call it. That's what we were about to study at Johannas', yes but since I did't I'd better do it now instead of writing this crap... Gotta go, so long!

'Til the end

It's not over yet. Some hope still remains. Don't now why, maybe it would be less painful if I just gave up but it seems impossible. The theoretical opportunity consists and as long as it does...

WE WILL RAISE

This Shit

No. They are burned. Bloody burned, and so am I.